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*Brandi*Gem*

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A new life, adn a new journal... [30 Mar 2003|08:31am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

John and I finally broke up for good. Part of me wants to jump up and dance around my room. The other part wants me to find the Asprin and a bottle of vodka. I won't...I can live.
One thing I will do, is create a new journal. I'll post it back here once it all pretty and created!

2 comments|post comment

Well...well... [07 Jan 2003|11:16am]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

I haven't written anything in fucking ages. I suppose I've been having alot less shit on my mind. AND alot less guilt. But it was really weird. I was with Vinny...with John and Vito there too of course...but just being in the same car as him made me feel so guilty. Thank god, I got fucked up or I would have went crazy. I felt like dying...I felt like giving John a hug...and...whatever. What's done is done right? Only room for improvement?

2 comments|post comment

Well...well... [07 Jan 2003|11:15am]

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[19 Nov 2002|03:35pm]
Artist: Avril Lavigne
Album: Let Go
Title: Losing Grip


Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
When you turn around can you recognize my face
You used to love me, you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't okay
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was there
I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care
We're not going anywhere

Why should I care
'Cuz you weren't there when I was there
I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care
We're not going anywhere


Yeah.....John....
This is what I do when yur not around...You're right.

I MUST BE A LOSER.
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unappreciative bitch [27 Sep 2002|11:39pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I'm an unappreciative bitch?
Then what the fuck does that make you?
An unappreciative dickhead x10?

I fucking made you dinner like every night, brought you up ice cream, constantly padded you down with cool water (even once you were alseep to keep you cool), and layed with you like you asked.


And I was happy to do every second of it because it made you feel a litte better. Even if it was just for a second.
When you went to sleep, I WAS NOT MAD. I WAS TIRED AS WELL, I DIDN'T MIND AT ALL, I WAS TIRED AS WELL.

WHAT MY MOM SAYS IS NOT ME, AND DO NOT SCREAM AT ME AND SAY "SORRY FOR SLEEPING"...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SORRY...

BUT FUCK, IM SORRY FOR FUCKING CARING!

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Age difference..... [27 Aug 2002|02:41pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

We'vebeengoing out for a year and 2 months...
Shit was all fucked up, but I am tryin my hardest make things better.


And NOW...he doesn't want anyone to know the age diffence.

I've totally, fucked up, now he's embarrased to even tell the truth bout me, good one Brandi.

2 comments|post comment

Help-How am I losing John like this.... [11 Aug 2002|08:42am]
I slipped away further from you..
Trying to find what is real..
Your somebody else that I never knew..
Your someone that I can't feel.

I SHUT IT AWAY
I KEEP IT IN ME
IS THIS WHAT IT TAKES
TO KEEP ME ALIVE
SO YOU TAKE ME
AND YOU BRAKE ME
AND YOU SEE I'M FALLING APART
COMPLICATE ME
AND FORESAKE ME
YOU PUSH ME OUT SO FAR
THERES NO MORE FEELING

I slipped away closer to me..
The only thing that is real..
I'm falling behind..
But now I can see..
Your absence helps me heal..

I SHOVED YOU AWAY
I KEEP YOU FROM ME
IS THIS WHAT IT TAKES
TO KEEP ME ALIVE
SO YOU TAKE ME
AND YOU BRAKE ME
AND YOU SEE I'M FALLING APART
COMPLICATE ME
AND FORESAKE ME
YOU PUSH ME OUT SO FAR( SO FAR SO FAR)
THERES NO MORE FEELING (THERES NO MORE FEELING)

SO YOU TAKE ME
AND YOU BRAKE ME
AND YOU SEE I'M FALLING APART
COMPLICATE ME
AND FORESAKE ME
YOU PUSH ME OUT SO FAR
AND YOU TAKE ME
AND YOU BRAKE ME
AND YOU SEE I'M FALLING APART
COMPLICATE ME
AND FORESAKE ME
YOU 1PUSH ME OUT SO FAR
THERE'S NO MORE FEELING
THERE'S NO MORE FEELING
THERE'S NO MORE FEELING
4 comments|post comment

[20 Jun 2002|11:17am]
[ mood | lonely ]

1. What's your name: Brandi
2. What do you wish your name was, instead:Nothing..
3. How are you: I'm totally burnt, and sad.
4. Would you ever eat sushi?: No way in hell.
5. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body?:I won't eat Sushi period.
6. Have you considered homosexuality?: Yeah. Not my style.
7. What's your sexual preference?: dick.
8. What were you in a past life?: A person.
9. I punch you. Quick, what do you do?: Sock with an 8ball in it..
10. When confronted with Britney Spears, you...?: Ask for several mil. tax-free, then five hours after she gives it to me taunt her mercilessly about Justin. And then fuck him.
11. What's your favorite coffee?: Regular coffee and A moca frapp from Starbucks.
12. What's your political perspective?: C-Span is funnier if you watch it upside-down.
13. Are you my Angel?: I hope not.
14. Do you consider yourself a poet?: No, but I wish I was.
15. What do you wanna be when you grow up?: Happy.
16. There's a naked man in your living room. What do you do?: Who is he? Is he hot? Do I know him? Can I use pictures of him for blackmail?
17. How stupid do you think you are?: Pretty stupid actually.
18. How stupid do other people think you are?: Pretty damn stupid.
19. Who the hell do you think you are?: Who the hell do YOU think YOU are?
20. Is the Wonderbra good or bad?: What sort of superpowers does it have? Does it use them to fight evil? And does it actually make it look like I have tits?
22. What's your favorite fruit?: Apples and Bananas.
23. Can you feel the love tonight?: No.
24. On a nude beach, you would...?: Take pictures and use them for blackmail. And look at some guys...:)...
25. Make up a story with yourself, a bridge, and a rabbit: One day I was walking along, and I came to the river, and on the other side of the river was a carnival, with bumper cars and fortune tellers and lots of candy. There was a bunny in a tree, so I coaxed him down with my trusty fire hose, and I turned him into a bridge, and then I crossed, and while I was at the carnival, I saw some guys puking by the roller coaster and I went over to them and laughed at them for going on the roller coaster in the first place, and they were John and Vinny and we rode into the sunset on a giant rabbit. The end.
26. What do you think about contemporary art?: I don't get it, but I like it.
27. Do you like being naked?: Woohoo!
28. If we had proof god didn't exist, what would happen?: Nothing would happen, but a lot of people would be out of jobs.
29. Do you enjoy cheeze whiz?: Not especially.
30. What's your position on virginity?: I think holding out until marriage (or until you're 30) (or until you fall in love) isn't a bad idea.
31. On civil unions: Um, sure, I guess. I'm kinda not caring at the moment because of my dad's job issues, but whatever.
32. On RuPaul: Yeah!
33. On mosquito bites: SATAN!
34. On bad sitcoms: I've been punishing myself too long.
35. On Fran Drescher: Whatever happened to her career?
36. Are you left handed or right handed?: Left.
37. Are you smart?: I guess.
38. What's your middle name?: What's YOUR middle name? Mines Rose.
39. How many personalities do you have?: Twelve. All named Tina.
40. How many piercing do you have?: 5.
41. What was your first word?: According to my mom, 'dog'.
42. Are you superstitious?: Sometimes.
43. Do you read your horoscope?: Usually
44. Do you believe in that stuff?: Sometimes.
45. Can you do a cartwheel?: Not to save my life.
46. Do you have contact lenses?: No.
47. Do you have a retainer or braces?: I never did.
48. Can you drive?: No.
49. Do you snore?: I hope not.
50. Do you drool in your sleep?: Sometimes.
51. Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?: Lick, baby. Lick. ::rowr!::
52. Do you keep a journal?: Aren't you reading this in a journal?
53. Do you like onions?: No.
54. Do you like cotton candy?: Yeah
55. What instruments can you play?: Um, I used to be able to play the claranet and sort of the drums.
56. Do you like to dance?: You bet.
57. Do you like to sing?: Yup.
58. Are you any good at it?: Not in the slightest bit at either.
59. Do you like to talk on the phone?: I get distracted and end up watching TV.
60. Do you like where you live?: My house or my city? Yes and no, not that order.
61. Are you organized?: Sometimes.
62. Do you sleep with socks on?: No. They always fall off.
63. Are you shy?: Not really. I just don't like people.
64. Do you talk to yourself?: All the goddamned time.
65. Are you a morning person?: No.
66. Are you a virgin?: No.
67. Are you proud of that?: ::shrug::
68. Do you believe in reincarnation?: Yeah.
69. Do you believe in God?: No.
70. Do you believe in ghosts?: Yeah.
71. Do you believe in bigfoot?: No.
72. How old do you wish you were?: 18 in an apartment in the city, preferably with John, but that part's not forseeable.
73. What will you name your daughter?: Electra
74. Son?: Lucifer,Breezio and Cliff....sorry kids.
75. Have you ever thought you were gonna die?: Have you ever driven with Vinny?
76. Where do you wanna go?: out.

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A survey. [20 Jun 2002|11:05am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

What is your name?Brandi
When were you named?i guess when i was born
Who named you? my mom
What would you name yourself? I don't know. I suppose Brandi is ok....
Are names important to you?Not really

How old are you?14
How long have you been that age? 324 days...
What age would you like to be?18
Have you ever lied about your age? i do constantly.
Is age nothing but a number? To me yes...to others...no.

What colors are you wearing?different shades of blue..and white.
What is your favorite color? black
Do you like wearing your favorite color a lot?yep
What two colors really don’t look good together?green and yellow
Do you always match?yep

What size shoe do you wear?5 1/2
What’s the best kind of shoe?sneakers
Isn’t shoe shopping time-consuming?no way i love it
Have you ever bought a pair of shoes without trying them on first? Yeah I think so.
How much is too much for a good pair of shoes?there is never to much 4 shoes man
what did you say?

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A survey. [20 Jun 2002|11:05am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

What is your name?Brandi
When were you named?i guess when i was born
Who named you? my mom
What would you name yourself? I don't know. I suppose Brandi is ok....
Are names important to you?Not really

How old are you?14
How long have you been that age? 324 days...
What age would you like to be?18
Have you ever lied about your age? i do constantly.
Is age nothing but a number? To me yes...to others...no.

What colors are you wearing?different shades of blue..and white.
What is your favorite color? black
Do you like wearing your favorite color a lot?yep
What two colors really don’t look good together?green and yellow
Do you always match?yep

What size shoe do you wear?5 1/2
What’s the best kind of shoe?sneakers
Isn’t shoe shopping time-consuming?no way i love it
Have you ever bought a pair of shoes without trying them on first? Yeah I think so.
How much is too much for a good pair of shoes?there is never to much 4 shoes man
what did you say?

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Yay! [20 Jun 2002|11:01am]
John and I have been dating a year today..joy yay fun...I love you baby!
1 comment|post comment

[01 Jun 2002|06:10am]
John and I are not going out anymore...
It's time for a new journal.

I'll post back in afew.
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And to add to that... [31 May 2002|11:01am]
A correction to my last entry...
HE WAS LYING!
It as crack...not freebase...
Fuck him 20x harder now!
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Fuck you John... [30 May 2002|11:59am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Yeah, ok, so John...You are an asshole...
I don't give a flying fuck what he does anymore. I could give a shit less about him, because god knows he doesn't give a fuck about me.

His newest thing is to just go and do Freebase and like, come to school and fucking brag about how lifted he was...and had the nerve to like say...oh I had to sleep outside behind Elegant Junk. Like it's my fucking fault. HE could have slept at my house downstairs...but no0o...HE was like "I wouldn't even bother."...

Well..then fuck you...you wouldn't even bother. He can kiss my ass...I won't bother with him either. I should really take Eddie or Ray to the concert, but I doubt either of them would be able to...or would want to go with me...

Whatever. I don't care. John said he did the Freebase and theres nothing that can be done about it...Essentially, telling me to deal with it. I should go and slice my wrist open. Nothin can be done about that either. Once that's done. It's done.

Well he can sit on it and turn. I always listen to him, he wouldn't let me do it...and I didn't. The way he is now...makes me hate him, times like this I don't even want to go out with him. He hurts me so much. And it's only b/c I don't want him doing something like freebase...and...without me there. I would never do anything like that without him there.

Yet, this is all going to go back to...I am a crazy fucking bitch. I wish I would just die. THen he could see what he had, and what he will be missing. Or maybe he'd like it better that way.

He'll find out soon tho. I won't be here much longer. NO need for Brandi anymore.



FUCK YOU!

1 comment|post comment

here ya [11 Apr 2002|07:03pm]

Are you a ho? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which Hacker's Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty


take the death quiz.
and go to mewing.net. laura = great.
1 comment|post comment

In school... [10 Apr 2002|11:22am]
1. Are you sweet, or sexy? Not sweet...I''d say I can be sexy...I could be sweet too I guess.
2. How long is your hair? It touches the top of my tits...lol
3. Would you rather spend your time with someone who was too mature, or immature? Probably too immature.
4. What is your favorite soft drink? Mug Rootbeer
5. How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa Claus? Umm...I think I always had my doubts. I don't remember.Prolly like 11...
6. What is your favorite song? Like 5 (Hed)P.E songs
7. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/ boyfriend, or your friends? Boyfriend or alone
8. Do you have any pets? Yep, Rocky,Shadow,the frogs...
9. What is your favorite color? Blue,Red and Black.
10. Do you do any drugs? Mhmm...Vicodin,Weed...other stuff on occasion.
11. If so, how often and which ones? All of them usually at least once a week.
12. Do you drink? I drink constantly..
13. Are you easy to get along with? No...
14. Are you helpful or lazy? Depends. I like to help friends and stuff, but at home I'm laaazy
15. Do you write in blue or black ink? What a stupid question. Who cares. I have various colours of pens...
16. Do you circle the dots on your I's? yes
17. What is the most disgusting thing you have done? Haha...um...stepped in poo? Puked alot...that kinda stuff.
18. Who do you look up to? I don't know, no one I can think of.
19. Do you love yourself? Mostly not.
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yeahhh [09 Apr 2002|10:39pm]
I love my new icon.
John got arrested today.
But he got out..Thank god.
I had a fight with Fig...like a hitting fight.
He's a fucking fat ass slow pussy white bitch....(yeah I know...heh I'm white too)

John is fucking gonna kill Fig and like beef with Pappas...I really don't care.

I hate ppl.

Fuck you all.
2 comments|post comment

Spring Break... [08 Apr 2002|07:21pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

As always...it was too fucking short...

Yeah..umm...
I'll sum it up...there was always at least 10 of us.......Smokin blunts, drinking beers(go me!!!), poppin and sniffin vicodin (go me again!!!!)......fucking with the crazy lady at Shaw Ave. and breaking her front window with a basketball...running and breaking my FUCKING ankle...(well almost....)....it was fun tho...ummm...I lost my cell phone....and my most recent bill was $200 so like....I'm never getting another one in my life..ever....:(

hmmmmm....what else..

OMG....Franks brother..wants to fuck me...John's heated and shit..but like....it almost bothers me....doesn't he know I wouldn't do anything.
Truthfully, Steve is a good looking guy but like NO. I love John (And I hope you are reading this babe)...I wouldn't do that...I wear the ring you gave me for a reason...

Anywho....I got off the topic of Spring Break..

But hte memories are deaded now...
Schools back.

FUCKKKKKK!

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Fuck me.. [30 Mar 2002|11:12pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

Today was beautiful...minus, me braking up with John, cutting my arm, him burning his neck and wrists and me finding out he did coke last night. Of all the things that were said and shit, he telling me he did coke, the way he did really hurt. It was a serious low blow...I don't know what is happening with him, but it really worries me...I can't even explain how it makes me feel....Actually, it really does make me feel SICK...horrible...shocked...confused...I odn't know.....I can't think of a way to put how Ifelt when he told me.

We are all ok now.
I love him so much.

Ummm...yeah...
John PROMISED me he'd go to Him&Hers at 1:30 tomorrow...he swore on my life and he knows how important it is to me, so *hopefully* he shows up..
...Oh how I hope he does...

~*Wish Me Luck*~

1 comment|post comment

Omg... [30 Mar 2002|01:05pm]
It is so hot out....I am wearing a tank and I don't have a jacket! XP
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